I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.
I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
Category: Short Funny Jokes
Where do tampons go?
“Mom, where do tampons go?”
“Where the babies come from, darling.”
“In the stork?”
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Alissa was talking about her favorite animals with her best friend.
Alissa asked: “Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?”
Her best friend replied: “Yes”.
Alissa asked: “How?”
Alissa’s best friend said: “Because a house can’t jump at all”.
When did Johnny wake up?
Kindergarten Teacher: OK class. If you went to sleep in 1970 what year did you wake up?
Kid 1: 1970.
Teacher: OK anyone else have an answer?
Kid 2: This year – 2017.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Kid 2: Because the bed was called a 1970 cause that was when it was made.
Kid 3: Because you pooped yourself and it took them until 2017 to remove the stain
Teacher: Where do you get these answers…?
Just blue elephants…
Patient: “Doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere…”
Doctor: “Have you seen a psychologist yet?”
Patient: “No just blue elephants.”
I’m not your mirror.
Cheerleader: Your ugly.
Me: *walks away*
Cheerleader: Hello? I said your-
Me: I’m sorry ‘honey’ I’m not your mirror.
I don’t wanna ‘taco’ bout’ it
Taco: Can we please TACO bout’ it!
Nacho: No, go away….
Taco: Why don’t you wanna TACO bout’ it?
Nacho: Because I’m NACHO friend anymore!
Who are you? And how did you get in?
A Man breaks into another Mans Home, the owner of the house said
“Who are you? And how did you get in?”
The Man responded
“I’m a Locksmith and I’m a Locksmith”
Why did you steal the car?
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
The Louvre robber
A French man goes into the Louvre’s parking with his van. He gets out and goes inside. He sneaks pass guards, gets through barbed wire, avoids lasers and in front of him there is the Mona Lisa. He takes it and manages to get back to his van. When he goes into his van and leaves the van ran out of gas. The police catch him and interrogate him.
‘Why did you take the painting?’
He thinks for a minute and say; ‘I needed the Monet to get Degas to make the Van Gogh’