A collection of best jokes to enlighten your day
“Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” A girl raised her hand and asked,
“To draw out all his savings?”
He didn’t want any advice.
A husband asks her wife, “If I die, will you get another marriage?”
The wife answered, “No, of course not! I’m going to go live with my sister. What about you, are you getting another marriage when I’m gone? “
He replied, “No, same with you. I’m going to go live with your sister.”
When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.
When the boss asked him why he did this he replied “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr”.
“Simple”, grins the millionaire.
” I faked my age”.
His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he told her…
he replies: ” I said i was 87″
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order a coffee and pull out sandwiches from their suitcases. An angry waitress approaches them, exclaiming “Excuse me, you can’t eat your own food here!” The lawyers look at her, then at each other and exchange the sandwiches.
A kung-fu student comes to his master:
“Master, why do I seem not to properly develop my kung-fu skills?”
The master takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and says:
“Yes master, I have.”
“Yes master, I have watched them with immense attention”
The master takes another deep breath, and asks:
“Yes master. I have noticed them.”
That’s why. You keep looking at that sh*t and don’t train.
It’s quite time consuming
She gave me a hug.
So he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder. The Russian tells him, “I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”
“Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”
“And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to be light brown color.”
The prince says, “I rather like the Turkish bulls. Fine specimens indeed.”
“Excellent choice, your majesty. But Turkish bull is special. They is bred for royalty, like you. But if you have royal blood, you must be bonding with bull calf when young, before they change color. Or they will reject you,” the Russian explains.
“Well”, the prince says, “I’m looking for a strong, adult bull. I’m not particularly interested in buying a calf. I rather like this big, beige bull over here.”
The prince attempts to pet the large Turkish bull. It sniffs his hand, shakes its head in disgust, turns around and kicks the prince with its hind legs.
The prince goes flying across the room and lands in a pile of hay.
“Where did you get such a horrible beast?! Why did it kick me!?” He sputters.
“I told you. From Turkey.” The Russian explains. “Is tan bull, can’t stand a noble.”