Author: joker

A King asked his servant to look for five biggest idiots in his state and produce them in his court within a month.

A King asked his servant to look for five biggest idiots in his state and produce them in his court within a month.

After a month’s extensive search operations, the servant brought to the court only two people!

“But I asked for five”, the king said angrily

“Give me a chance to present them one by one”, the servant pleaded and went on to present his idiots:

“Sire, this man, while travelling in a bullock cart, was keeping his luggage on his head so as not to hurt the bullocks. He is the first idiot.

Pointing to the second man the servant continued, “And this man here is the second idiot. Some grass grew on the roof of his thatched house and he was trying to force his cow climb up a ladder to graze on them.”

The servant continued, “sire, there were a lot of importants jobs for me to do in the state, but I ignored them and wasted a precious month in searching for idiots. According to me I am the third idiot.”

The king paused here for a moment.

“Who are the fourth and fifth idiots?”, the king thundered.

“Beg your pardon, sire”, the servant continued, “You are the King and are responsible for the wellbeing of the entire state and its people. You need wise persons to help you oversee the state affairs. Instead of looking for wise people you engaged me to look for idiots. According to me you are the fourth idiot.

And, sire, the person who is glued to this post, keeping aside all his high priority assignments, oblivious of pressing needs of his family, just to learn who is the fifth idiot, is the fifth idiot himself.

The first person to talk at the table has to clean the dishes.

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper. When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, “

“Now remember….that’s all original leather. You can’t let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don’t have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the water will just bead off.”

The guy takes his new bike and goes to pick up his girlfriend. The girlfriend invites the guy over to her parents house for dinner. This will be the first time he’s ever eaten with her family.

“I should let you know the rule of the table” she said. “There is no talking allowed. The first person to talk at the table has to clean the dishes.”

The guy doesn’t think this is that big of a deal until he arrives at the family’s house and looks in the kitchen. There must be at least three months worth of dishes inside. They are stacked up to the ceiling, stinking and rotting of mold and old bits of food everywhere. The guy almost throws up at the smell and sight of such a disgusting state of affairs.

Dinner begins, and no one is saying a word. The tension is starting to get to the boyfriend, so he concocts a plan to make someone else speak first.

The guy drops his fork, goes over to his girlfriend at the table, throws her up on top and just starts fucking her in front of everyone. The father and mother are obviously embarrassed. But even with their jaws on the floor, no one says a word.

The guy stops and thinks to himself “This is going to be harder than I thought….” then he gets another idea…..

Without hesitation, he runs over to the mother throws her up on the table and fucks the shit out of her, right in front of the father.

The dad is staring daggers through the boyfriend and turning bright red in anger. But still says nothing. The girlfriend is becoming teary eyed and covering her mouth with her hands, but doesn’t make a peep.

The boyfriend stops fucking the mother and sits back down at his seat, completely flustered. He takes a gander out the window, and notices a sudden heavy rain has settled in. He then realizes that his vintage motorbike is parked on the street, uncovered.

The boyfriend pops out of his seat and grabs his tub of vaseline. The dad jumps out of his chair and yells out, “ALRIGHT, I’LL DO THE GODDAMNED DISHES!”

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.

“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”

So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding. The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down. Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.

“Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”