Me and my wife decided that we don’t want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Mr. Santa when she looked into the sky?
A: It looks like rain dear
Taco: Can we please TACO bout’ it!
Nacho: No, go away….
Taco: Why don’t you wanna TACO bout’ it?
Nacho: Because I’m NACHO friend anymore!
A French man goes into the Louvre’s parking with his van. He gets out and goes inside. He sneaks pass guards, gets through barbed wire, avoids lasers and in front of him there is the Mona Lisa. He takes it and manages to get back to his van. When he goes into his van and leaves the van ran out of gas. The police catch him and interrogate him.
‘Why did you take the painting?’
He thinks for a minute and say; ‘I needed the Monet to get Degas to make the Van Gogh’
Doctor: “Kevin, you have diabetes, heart problems, and obesity.”
Kevin: “Yeah, it runs in my family.”
Doctor: “No Kevin, it’s because no one runs in your family.”
I went to a zoo but there was only one dog in it. It was a Shitzu
Two birds are sitting on a perch. One says to the other ‘can you smell a fish?’
What’s the difference between Tuna, Piano and a Glue stick?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano tuna!
What about the glue stick?
I knew you would get stuck on that.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.