A kindergarten teacher is explaining what “literally” means to her class and asking them what it means.
Teacher: Okay, Does everyone know what “literally” means?
Teacher: Use it in a sentence
Kid 1: Birds literally come out of nowhere
Teacher: That’s not true but it is if you put it as you aren’t paying attention
Kid 2: Pizza is literally the best food ever
[kid walks back]
Kid 3: I literally pooped in the sink
Teacher: Did you really?
I was walking to school one day, and I heard yelling from the other side of the street. It was a mom and a son. The mom yelled, “You are late! Why?” The son said, “I’m just good at sleeping mum, I can do it with my eyes closed!”
Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
Q: How do you make Ethiopians rave?
A: Stick food to the ceiling.
There was a post about a month ago about a kid calling his parents stupid because he was able to deceive them with fake grades.
Some guy replies, “Looks like it runs in the family”.
I was in tears.
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
Dad- Son, You better pass this exam or rather forget that I’m your father!
Son- Sure dad! Whatever!
~5 hours later~
Dad- How was your exam?
Son- Who the hell are you??