I heard a bang. “3:45 PM”, he said.
I told her no… How hard can kindergarten be?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” The dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your mother, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”
I said, “Tell him, he’s bloody good. I don’t have any kids”
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?
10+10=twenty 11+11=twenty too
The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.
Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!
Mother: How were you able to come back home?
Son: I followed the cat.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
The older brother says, “Billy, I’m 9 and you’re 6. We’re practically men. So today when we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say hell and you’re gonna say ass.”
Billy nods his head in excitement and they go downstairs. The boys sit at the table and their mom greets them.
“Good morning boys, what would ya’ll like for breakfast?”
Billy looks at his older brother, who smiles and throws his arm over the back rest and says, “Ah hell mom, make it cheerios.”
Their mom turns around and chases him up the stairs spanking him the whole way. When she returns she looks at Billy and says, “And what would you like my little angel.”
Billy nervously replies, “I don’t know, but you can bet your ass it ain’t cheerios.”
Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go!
I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow
Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself…
“2+5, the son of a bitch is 7”
“3+6, the son of a bitch is 9”
His mother heard this & asked, ” Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?”
“Oh Mom. Don’t disturb. I am doing my maths homework”
Mom: “Is this how your teacher taught you?”
“Yes mom “
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
“Are you teaching maths to children by saying… 2+2, the son of a bitch is 4?”
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
“What I taught them was… 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4.”