I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!
A man is washing his car with his son when the boy goes ‘Dad, can’t we use a sponge?’
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Question: What is yours, but is used much more often by your friends?
Answer: Your name.
Where were you between 4 and 6?
My thesaurus arrived yesterday, but when I opened it it was blank inside. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms