Category: Work Jokes
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks, “some asshole has my pen”
Deceive them with fake grades
There was a post about a month ago about a kid calling his parents stupid because he was able to deceive them with fake grades.
Some guy replies, “Looks like it runs in the family”.
I was in tears.
Go to the market and grab an apple
A programmer’s wife tells him: “Go to the market and grab an apple. If they have eggs, grab a dozen.” He returns with 13 apples.
A young man about to jump off
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building
He yells “Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”
What’s a pirate’s favorite
What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrt
What’s a pirate’s favorite sweater material?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgyle
What’s a pirate’s favorite branch of the military?
“Uh, the Arrrrrrrrrrrmy?”
No, the Navy, dumbass. Why would a pirate like the Army better? Fucking moron.
What did the pirate say
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.
The public transport is bad on weekends
My boss just asked, “Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here.”I replied, “Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends.”
He said, “Okay, when do you think you’ll get here then?”
I said, “Monday.”
You can’t wear pajamas for work
I was called into my manager’s office today because of my dress code.He said, “You can’t wear pajamas for work.”
I said, “Everyone else does.”
He said, “That’s because they’re patients.”
How much are the carrots?
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?”
The assistant replies that it costs $2,000. The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive.
The assistant tells him, “This parrot is a very special one. He can type really fast.”
“Okay, what about the green one?” the man asks.
The assistant says, “He costs $5,000 because he can type, answer incoming phone calls and takes notes.”
“What about the red one?” the man then asks.
The assistant says, “That one’s $10,000.”
Curious, the man asks, “What does he do?”
The assistant says, “I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”