The optimistic say the glass is half full. The pessimistic say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’