Category: Work Jokes

What starting salary are you looking for?

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Asking for a raise

Bill walks into his boss’s office one day and says, “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I’ve got three companies after me, and I’d like to respectfully ask for a raise.”After a few minutes of haggling. the boss finally agrees to give him a 5% raise, and Bill happily gets up to leave.

“By the way”, asks the boss as Bill is leaving his office, “which three companies are after you?”

Bill replies, “The electric company, water company, and phone company.”

May I interview you?

Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!”
Reporter: “Name?”
Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “Sex?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Reporter: “Holy cow!”
Man: “Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general.”
Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?”
Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.”
Reporter: “Oh dear!”
Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”

Nobody is even paying attention to anything

A gay couple is traveling on a plane. Let’s call them Steve and Bill.

“What if we had sex?” asks Steve.

“Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…”

“Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!”

Steve stands up and asks loudly:

“Could I have a pencil, please?”

Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc.

“They really wouldn’t care then, would they?” says Bill.

So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane.

Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.

“Sir, you should’ve asked for a bag!”

“I didn’t dare” whispers the old man. “A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass…”

3 drunk guys entered a taxi

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your destination”.

The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked “What was that for?”. The 3rd guy replied, “Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!”