Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “
Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”
Category: Short Funny Jokes
Wishes from genie
Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp.
The genie grants each of them one wish.
The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted.
The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted.
The third guy says, “It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me…” Wish granted.
Is there a hole in your shoe?
“Is there a hole in your shoe?”
“No.”
“Then how did you get your foot into it?”
What about our child?
“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”
Anger management
An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”
The girl dressed all in white
A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
It’s been raining for days now
It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age.”
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
“Well”, he replied. “I said I was 87!”
Say dirty things to me
Woman to her husband while at it: “Please say dirty things to me!”
Man: “Bath, Kitchen, Living room…”
Driving test went surprisingly well
My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 12. The 5 managed to run to safety.