Wanting to become a Christian

A jewish guy walks into a synagogue and goes straight over to the rabbi. He says: “Rabbi, I need help. I have a big problem with my son. I did all that I could to raise him in the faith. I took him to Sabbath services every Saturday, and sent him to Hebrew school after regular school every Wednesday. He had a bar mitzvah. I sent him on a trip to Israel. I even sent him to seminary college for Jews. Yesterday, he came to me and said that he wanted to convert and become a Christian!”

The rabbi replies: “You know, it’s funny that you should come to me about this! I also have a son that I did all I could to raise as a Jew. I brought him to temple every Saturday. He went to Hebrew school after regular school too. He had a bar mitzvah, visited Israel, and went to seminary college as well. He too came to me and said that he wanted to convert and become a Christian!”

The jewish guy inquires: “Well, what did you do about it?”

The rabbi tells him that he asked God about it.

“Well, what did God say?” asks the guy.

God said: “You know it’s funny you should come to me about this!”

A very feeling man

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.

His opponent comments: “That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man.” The man, recovering himself, replies, “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

A small wooden ball

Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”

What can I do?

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator says “Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says “OK, now what?”