Teacher to Paul: “Wake up, Paul! You can’t sleep in class!”
Paul to teacher: “I could actually, it’s just that you’re a bit loud.”
Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.
Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”
I only drink on days beginning with “T”
Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow
At a wedding reception, the DJ announced…
“Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living after marriage?”
The Bartender was almost crushed to death !!!
90 year old man to a doctor : which style is best for sex in my age?
Doctor : Dog style.
Old man : Oh you mean 4 arms behind?
Doctor : No no just smell and leave
A police officer stops a car.
Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”
Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
Officer: “At home?”
Driver: “No, to do it.”