Category: Animal Jokes

That was a blast from the past!

An elephant with diarrhea

A man has to leave for a few days and wants to find a temporary home for his parrot.

Because he knows the priest also has a parrot, he decides to ask him if he can watch his.

‘Absolutely not.’ The priest says. ‘All your parrot knows is how to curse. That’s not good for my parrot, as all mine does is pray.’

‘But your parrot will be able to teach mine some manners.’ The man points out.

After doing some thinking the man agrees and says he’ll watch the parrot. He takes him to his house and puts him next to his own parrot.

‘I want sex, I want sex.’ The parrot says.

‘Hallelujah.’ The other one says. ‘My prayers have been answered!’

Perrson 1: What’s a mouse that can walk on two legs?

Person 2: I don’t know.

Person 1: Mickey Mouse. What’s a duck that can walk on two legs?

Person 2: Donald Duck.

Person 1: No, all ducks, you idiot.

A squirrel is relaxing in his tree when it suddenly starts to shake violently. He looks outside and sees an elephant climbing the tree.

The squirrel says “hey elephant, what are you doing?”

The elephant replies “I’m climbing this tree to eat some pears!”

“You dummy,” sayeth the squirrel, “this is a pine tree… there’s no pears up here.”

The elephant says “I know, I brought my own!”

Guy walks out his front door, sees a snail on the sidewalk, picks it up throws it over his shoulder. It hits the roof, rolls to the top, down the other side, lands in the back yard. Six months later, guy walks out his front door, looks down, snail says, “What the fuck was that all about?”

A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says “what can I get you?” Bear replies ” I’d like a gin… … … And tonic” Bartender asks “Why the big pause?” The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth “I don’t know, my dad had ’em too.”