I wish people would stop calling me a lousy bum. I’ve been lice free for at least a year.
What’s a pirate’s favorite
What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrt
What’s a pirate’s favorite sweater material?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgyle
What’s a pirate’s favorite branch of the military?
“Uh, the Arrrrrrrrrrrmy?”
No, the Navy, dumbass. Why would a pirate like the Army better? Fucking moron.
What did the pirate say
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.
I tried to catch fog
I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.
A car going the wrong way on Interstate 90
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds
Women only call me ugly until…
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
Someone stole my mood ring
Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about that.