Q. Where does Friday always come before Thursday?
–
A: In a dictionary.
What disappears the second you start talking about it?
Q: What disappears the second you start talking about it?
–
A: Silence.
How to stop two blind dudes fighting
Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”
Would you cheat on your wife?
Would you cheat on your wife?
On whom else would I be cheating?!
How many seconds are there in a year?
Q: How many seconds are there in a year?
–
A: Twelve. Second of January, second of February…
Why did you steal the car?
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
How can somebody walk for 8 days without sleeping?
Q: How can somebody walk for 8 days without sleeping?
–
A: He sleeps only at night.
What method of contraception do you use?
What method of contraception do you use?
I’m always really nice and kind.
– Peter, 32, best friend of many, many women
The Louvre robber
A French man goes into the Louvre’s parking with his van. He gets out and goes inside. He sneaks pass guards, gets through barbed wire, avoids lasers and in front of him there is the Mona Lisa. He takes it and manages to get back to his van. When he goes into his van and leaves the van ran out of gas. The police catch him and interrogate him.
‘Why did you take the painting?’
He thinks for a minute and say; ‘I needed the Monet to get Degas to make the Van Gogh’
What’s a mouse that can walk on two legs?
Perrson 1: What’s a mouse that can walk on two legs?
Person 2: I don’t know.
Person 1: Mickey Mouse. What’s a duck that can walk on two legs?
Person 2: Donald Duck.
Person 1: No, all ducks, you idiot.