Category: One Liners Jokes

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told I’m racist, black people would try to rob me.

My carbon monoxide detector won’t stop beeping, and its giving me a headache and dizziness and nausea.

I asked the judge to shorten my sentence and he interrupted me.

My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath but I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I’m so polite, I only look at the covered parts.

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”

I just made up a new word: plagiarism.

Last night they held a seminar on how to withhold orgasms; nobody came.

Who decided to call it “marijuana possession” and not “joint custody?”

Face is a four letter word, but preface is a foreword letter.