A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
The husband is surprised, “Wow, that was quick – usually you are at it for two hours at least!”
“Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.”
Category: Girl Friend Jokes
You can’t live without love
I heard people say you can’t live without love.
–
I still think oxygen ranks higher.
Do what you want
When a woman says something like “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Stand still as a statue. No blinking. Play dead.
I don’t like you with the new glasses on.
She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”
Why did God create Adam first
Q: Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second?
A: Because he wasn’t interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Making sandwiches
A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”
Make your last call to say your last words
Pilot: The plane is about to crash! Quick, make your last call to say your last words!
Guy: Babe, I’m so sorry, I cheated on you.
Girl: WHAT!???
Pilot: Oops, nevermind, the plane is back in control!
Guy: CRASH THE FUCKING PLANE DAMMIT.
When a woman says “what?”
When a woman says “what?” Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Here’s the number
Boy: Hey Beautiful, Can I have your number?
Girl: No, I have a boyfriend.
Boy: But I’m gay, can I have the number now?
Girl: Oh, okay! Here’s the number.
Boy: Thanks, I’m not really gay. Ha!
Girl: That’s my boyfriends number.
Mom, I’m pregnant
Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.