Category: Girl Friend Jokes

Why did I get divorced?

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?” “Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

Looking for a perfect guy

A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, “Looking for a guy that won’t beat me, won’t run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.”

Three days later, there’s a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there’s a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. “Dear Amy,” he says, “I have no arms so I couldn’t even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can’t run away on you. I’m your guy.”

“That’s very nice,” says Amy, surprised, “but how will you be able to satisfy me?”

His smile widens, “You did hear the knocking, didn’t you?”