A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, “Looking for a guy that won’t beat me, won’t run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.”
Three days later, there’s a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there’s a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. “Dear Amy,” he says, “I have no arms so I couldn’t even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can’t run away on you. I’m your guy.”
“That’s very nice,” says Amy, surprised, “but how will you be able to satisfy me?”
His smile widens, “You did hear the knocking, didn’t you?”
Girls mostly treat me like a God. They totally forget that I exist and only approach me when they need something.
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?”
Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale.
Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
Girl: One day I will marry. A lot of men will be sad that day.
Boy: Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?
Why do they call it the “mother tongue”? Because the man never gets to put a word in.
Women are saints. They forgive you even when you’re not guilty!
“Oh no, Roger, why did you two split up?”
“She’s a liar and a cheat! She said she was the whole night and her sister’s!”
“So? Maybe she was.”
“Yeah, no way. I was the whole night at her sister’s!”
A man simply doesn’t have a clue what real happiness is until he gets married.
But then it’s already too late for him.