Category: Funny Puns

What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemonaid.

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

A woman was just taking a bath when she heard the doorbell. She thought she’d just pretend not to be home but then the ringer called, “Hello? Anybody home? I’m the blind guy!”

“Ah well, if he is blind I can go and open the door just like this. No need to dress.” thought the lady, hauled herself out of the bath and went to open the door.

“Wow,” said the guy waiting there, “you should be on a fitness studio advertisement!  Now, where should I put those blinds?”

Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back.
–
I think it would be truly alarming.

I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.

I saw an offer in a shop
–
“TV for $4.50 – the volume is stuck on maximum”
–
It was an offer I simply couldn’t turn down.

I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.

Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.

What did the fish say when it hit its head on a wall?

Dam!!!

Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?
–
Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here?