Pavlov is sitting at the bar drinking a beer when his phone rings. “Crap! I forgot to feed the dogs!” he exclaims.
Category: Animal Jokes
How many cats would you have?
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
I just did that
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.” So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
Who must be gods?
A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
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The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”
What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?
What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs?
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Two thousand dogs.
How do you stop a dog from barking
How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?
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Invite him to bark in the front seat.
When you arrive home after work
When you arrive home after work, your dog will be extremely happy to see you and will lick your face.
The cat will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
My wife loves cats
“My wife loves cats. But she’s got 40 of them and they cause a gruesome smell in our flat.”
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“I guess you should air more often to battle that.”
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“No can do, if we opened the windows, my 150 pigeons would fly away”
Two gangsters are about to break out of prison
Two gangsters are about to break out of prison. The first one jumps off a wall into a trash container.
The guard shouts, “Who’s there?”
Gangster replies, “MEOOOOOOW!”
The guard is relieved, “Ah ok, just a cat.”
Then the second gangster jumps.
The guard gets suspicious, “Hello, anybody there?”
The second gangster yells, “Nah, just the cat again!”
What kind of dog eats with his ears?
What kind of dog eats with his ears?
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They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.