A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”
Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“
Drinking problem
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
What school?
Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Patrick: “What school?”
My dog used to chase people
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Do you think I’m a bad mother
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
–
My name is Paul.
Your password is incorrect
I decided to make my password “incorrect” because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, “Your password is incorrect.”
My ex-wife still misses me
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Very deep poem
I dig,
you dig,
we dig,
she dig,
he dig,
they dig…
It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
Do you have a bathroom?
I hate it when people are at your house and ask ‘Do you have a bathroom?’
No, we pee in the yard!
Sometimes I drink water
Sometimes I drink water – just to surprise my liver.