Helium walks into a bar and orders water. Bartender apologizes, “Sorry sir but we’re currently out of water.” What does Helium do? It doesn’t react.
What is blue and smells like red paint?
Q: What is blue and smells like red paint?
–
A: Blue paint.
Last words of a highly poisonous snake?
Last words of a highly poisonous snake?
“Drat, I bit myself on the tongue!”
The tallest piece of furniture
What is the tallest piece of furniture?
–
The bookcase. It’s got the most stories.
Good news and bad news
Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Michael: The good news.
Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.
May I disturb you shortly
At work:
Excuse me, may I disturb you shortly?
–
Of course, what is it?
–
Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you.
What has four legs, one foot and one head?
What has four legs, one foot and one head?
–
A bed.
Master of fast calculations
“I am a master of fast calculations.”
–
“OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?”
–
“22!”
–
“Ha ha, that’s wrong!”
–
“Might be, but it was fast!”
How many times a day do you shave?
Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?
Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
Man: No, I’m a barber.
A boy ate some coins
A boy ate some coins for fun and his parents took him to the hospital. One hour later the parents asked the nurse how it was going. Apparently, “no change yet.”