When everything’s coming your way – perhaps you’re in the wrong direction on the highway?
Invisible men meeting
Two invisible men meet. One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”
Plates say to his friend
What did one plate say to his friend?
Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Driving test went surprisingly well
My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 12. The 5 managed to run to safety.
Your days are numbered
Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
Snails crossing the road
Two snails are chatting on the sidewalk. “I’ll have to cross the road,” says one.
“Well, be careful,” says the other one, “there’s a bus coming in an hour.“
Having kids after 40
I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40. 40 kids is way too much by any standard.
Does your horse smoke?
Does your horse smoke?
[No.]
Well, then I think your stable is burning.
Short-term memory problems
I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems. The first thing the bastard did was made me pay in advance.
How come you don’t have your homework?
Teacher: How come you don’t have your homework?
Pupil: I lost it when I was fighting this kid who kept saying you weren’t the best teacher in the school.