She said ” The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous”
Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.
Category: Short Funny Jokes
Stairway to Heaven.
Three women, a redhead, a brunette and a blonde die on the same day and are sent to Hell.
Upon reaching the abysmal realm, the three women meet up with none other than Satan himself.
“I am willing to be a good sport and give you a shot at redemption.” says the devil. “I present to you three stairways, all leading up to Heaven. But there’s a catch. For every step you take, I shall tell a joke. Each step you take will lead to a funnier and funnier joke, and if you laugh, your souls shall be banished to Hell forever.”
The three women looked at one another and nodded in agreement.
The redhead went first, and upon taking her 10th step, she snickered and her soul was forfeit. The brunette went next, finally cracking up once she took her 50th step.
The blonde was up next, and managed to get right before the last step into Heaven. Satan was busy with his last joke yet before he could finish it, the blonde split her sides laughing.
The devil looked on in confusion and said; “I didn’t even finish my joke, what gives?!”
To which the blonde replied; “I just understood the first joke!”
The internet connection at my farm was terribly slow, so I moved my modem to the barn…
Now I have stable wifi.
A blind man visit Texas….
When he gets to his hotel room, he feels bed, “wow this bed is big!”
“Everything is big in Texas” says the bellhop The man heads downstairs to the bar sits on a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands, “wow these drinks are big.” “Everything is big in Texas” says the bartender” After downing a few, the blind man asks for the bathroom. “Second door to the right”says the bartender The blind man heads to the bathroom but accidentally opens the door that leads to the swimming pool and falls in. Popping his head from underwater, he flails his arms and shouts “Don’t flush! Don’t flush!
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you’ve ever seen…
“Give me two shots of Jack Daniels,” he says to the bartender. “One for me, and one for you.”
“You know I don’t drink on the job,” the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, “And that’s why I like you better than my barber.”
A guys sees a pretty girl sitting alone in a library…
He leans over and asks her “Do you mind if I sit with you?”.
The girl answers loudly “Hell no I don’t want to sleep with you, you fucking pervert!!!”
Everybody in the library looks at the guy and he feels humiliated.
After a few minutes, the girl walks over to him and softly says “I am a psychology student and I knew what you were thinking. I guess you were humiliated, right?”
The guy answers back loudly “200 bucks for a blow job? Are you fucking kidding me?”.
Everybody looks at the girl and she feels humiliated.
Then the guy says “well I am a lawyer and I know how to make someone feel guilty!!!”.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man replies, “That would be my wife.”
Drunk husband
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. “Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: “One, two, three, four. Oh, you’re right.”
In a second grade sex education class, little Mary asks, “teacher, can my momma get pregnant?”
The teacher asks, “How old is your mother?”
Little Mary says, “Forty.”
The teacher says, “Yes, your mother could get pregnant.”
The little girl asks, “can my big sister get pregnant?”
The teacher asks, “How old is your sister?”
Little Mary answers, “Nineteen.”
The teacher says, “Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant”.
The little girl asks, “Can I get pregnant?”
The teacher asks, “How old are you?”
Mary says “I’m seven years old.” The teacher says, “No, you can’t get pregnant.” Little Johnny, who is sitting behind little Mary, gives her a poke and says, “See, I told you we had nothing to worry about”
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was. ” They asked what the past tense of think was” the boy answered. “So what did you write?” the mother asked.
“I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked”! The boy replied.