One Liners Jokes – Page 47

The early bird might get the worm

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

My husband and I had a very happy twenty years. After that we met.

Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.