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Top Funny Jokes

A collection of best jokes to enlighten your day

Author: joker

What does the fat cow give you?

Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”

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Asking a Chinese girl for her number

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

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The only food that makes you cry

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

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The shortest horror story

The shortest horror story: Monday.

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Being British

Being British means driving your German car to an Irish pub to have a Belgian beer, then grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way home where you rest on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

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I’m not bossy

I’m not bossy, I simply know exactly what you should be doing.

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I’m not lazy

I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

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The true nature of a human being

The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second cash desk.

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If I’m driving you crazy

If I’m driving you crazy, please remember to put your seatbelt on.

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I’m very sorry to interrupt you

I’m very sorry to interrupt you, but you must have mistaken me for somebody who’s interested.

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