joker, Author at Top Funny Jokes

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

I wish people would stop calling me a lousy bum. I’ve been lice free for at least a year.

What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrt

What’s a pirate’s favorite sweater material?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgyle

What’s a pirate’s favorite branch of the military?

“Uh, the Arrrrrrrrrrrmy?”

No, the Navy, dumbass. Why would a pirate like the Army better? Fucking moron.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey.

I tried to catch fog yesterday,

Mist.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.