I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Author: joker
When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree
When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.
The strengthening solution
Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?”
Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”
Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”
I’d like to buy a new boomerang
In a boomerang shop: “I’d like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?”
I don’t want any balls
Police: “Open the door!”
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Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
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Police: “What? We don’t have any balls!”
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Man: “I know.”
We don’t want to have children anymore
Me and my wife decided that we don’t want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
One door closes – that means another door opens
“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”
“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”
Tradition after a bullfight
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles.
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One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?”
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The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”
Please make me win the lottery
Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.
The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!
The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!
Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.