For five free pints I’m going to show you how to have anything you want

A guy walks into a bar. T-shirt and jeans on but wearing a shiny top hat. He says to the barman, for five free pints I’m going to show you how to have anything you want.

The barman sniggers. “Yeah right”

No really insists the man. Watch. He takes off the hat and places it on the bar. Puts his hand in and pulls out a little piano. Then his hand goes back in and pulls out a guy only a foot tall wearing a full tuxedo. The little guy sits at the piano and starts to play some Beethoven. The barman is suitably impressed and lines up his drinks.

“Okay… what do I do?”

“Just whisper your want into the hat” replies the man. And the barman does.

Suddenly the doors burst open and hundreds and hundreds of mallards fly in causing havoc and a not insignificant amount of fear.

“I DIDN’T ASK FOR A THOUSAND DUCKS… I ASKED FOR A THOUSAND FUCKS” the barman shouts.

“Do you think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?”