I went to a really emotional wedding the other day
I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Somewhere in the world, a woman is having a baby every 12 seconds
The public transport is bad on weekends
My boss just asked, “Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here.”I replied, “Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends.”
He said, “Okay, when do you think you’ll get here then?”
I said, “Monday.”
You can’t wear pajamas for work
I was called into my manager’s office today because of my dress code.He said, “You can’t wear pajamas for work.”
I said, “Everyone else does.”
He said, “That’s because they’re patients.”
How much are the carrots?
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?”
The assistant replies that it costs $2,000. The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive.
The assistant tells him, “This parrot is a very special one. He can type really fast.”
“Okay, what about the green one?” the man asks.
The assistant says, “He costs $5,000 because he can type, answer incoming phone calls and takes notes.”
“What about the red one?” the man then asks.
The assistant says, “That one’s $10,000.”
Curious, the man asks, “What does he do?”
The assistant says, “I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”
I’m giving everyone a check for $5,000
The owner of a company tells his employees one day, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I’m giving everyone a check for $5,000.”Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks!”
I’d start on $2,000 a month
I went for an interview for an office job today.The interviewer told me I’d start on $2,000 a month and then after 6 months I’d be on $2,500 a month.
I told them I’d start in 6 months.
I used to work in the office at a stationery firm
I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit.I felt it wasn’t going anywhere.
Why did you leave that job?
An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up.”Why did you leave that job?” asked one co-worker.
“It was something my boss said,” the woman replied.
“Why? What did he say?” the co-worker asked.
“You’re fired.”