A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I’ve never shot a gun
I’ve never shot a gun because that would be a weird target
My manager hid her food during the FBI raid
My manager hid her food during the FBI raid so they couldn’t Caesar Salad.
My buddy used to date a cross-eyed girl
My buddy used to date a cross-eyed girl until he found out she was seeing someone on the side.
I just donated $100 to a blind children’s charity
I just donated $100 to a blind children’s charity, not that the kids will ever see any of it.
I can always tell
I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.
I just got fired from my job at the bakery
I just got fired from my job at the bakery, which is upsetting cause I really kneaded the dough.
Every time you ingest food coloring
Every time you ingest food coloring, you dye a little inside.
When I was younger
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. Then I was born.
A groundbreaking invention.
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.