It takes time for a clock to work properly.
I tried to sketch a 9mm bullet from memory
I tried to sketch a 9mm bullet from memory, but I drew a blank
I used to be shy
I used to be shy, but since I’ve started rock climbing, I feel boulder.
Dildos
Dildos are for pussies.
I was going to tell you a joke about subtraction
I was going to tell you a joke about subtraction but I didn’t want you to think less of me.
My roommates are concerned
My roommates are concerned that I’m using their kitchen utensils, but that’s a whisk i’m willing to take.
Pick-up Artists and Garbagemen
Pick-up Artists and Garbagemen should switch job titles
I took a photo while my plane was landing
I took a photo while my plane was landing and got arrested for in-descent exposure.
TIL: If your inflatable sex doll starts crying
TIL: If your inflatable sex doll starts crying it’s not developing feelings for you, it just needs emptying
Two wrongs don’t make a right
Two wrongs don’t make a right but two Wrights make an airplane