Where do cows like to go in their spare time?
In the Muuuuuuseum.
Jokes about unemployed people
Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don’t work.
The guests in this hotel
The guests in this hotel are always stealing soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms.
Dirty bastards!
I want to win the lottery
“I want to win 10 million in the lottery, just like my dad did!”
“OMG, your dad won 10 million in the lottery?!”
“No, but he always wanted to.”
I’m greeted with much warmth
Wherever I go, I’m greeted with much warmth.
Derek, 53, Fireman
A terrorist enters a McDonalds
A terrorist enters a McDonalds.
–
The cashier asks: “Hello sir, what would you like to eat?”
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The terrorist: “Nothing, I’m so full I’m about to explode.”
New indoor swimming pool
Daddy somebody’s at the door. He’s collecting for the district’s new indoor swimming pool.
–
Ok, give him a bucket of water then.
The worst train driver in history
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Come to the gym
I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up. Hopefully, she’ll realize the two of us are not going to work out.
Biggest pan in the world
What’s the biggest pan in the world?
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Japan.