Top Funny Jokes

Where do cows like to go in their spare time?

In the Muuuuuuseum.

“I want to win 10 million in the lottery, just like my dad did!”

“OMG, your dad won 10 million in the lottery?!”

“No, but he always wanted to.”

A terrorist enters a McDonalds.
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The cashier asks: “Hello sir, what would you like to eat?”
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The terrorist: “Nothing, I’m so full I’m about to explode.”

Daddy somebody’s at the door. He’s collecting for the district’s new indoor swimming pool.
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Ok, give him a bucket of water then.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up. Hopefully, she’ll realize the two of us are not going to work out.

What’s the biggest pan in the world?
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Japan.