A husband asks his wife:
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If I died, would you marry again?
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Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
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No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.
Author: joker
Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
Judge: Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
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Wife: Because the table was too heavy.
Windows are totally frozen, will not open
Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open.
Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”
15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”f
Three magic envelopes
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing.On the last day, the departing manager tells him, “I’ve left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can’t solve.”
Three months down the road there is a major drama in the office and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope.
The message inside says “Blame your predecessor!”
He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems.
The manager quickly opens the second envelope.
The message read, “Reorganize!”
He starts to reorganize and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope.
The message inside says, “Prepare three envelopes.”
Husband takes his wife to a disco
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: “You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no.”
Husband says: “Yep, it looks like he’s still celebrating!!”
When we’re married, we’ll have three kids
Woman says to her fiancé: “When we’re married, we’ll have three kids. A brown-haired girl and two blonde boys.
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Fiancé: “How can you tell with such precision?”
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Woman: „Because I told my parents I’ll finally pick up the kids from them once we’re married.“
Shall we make a nice weekend for each other?
Husband: Shall we make a nice weekend for each other, honey?”
Wife: “Oh, that would be lovely, Georgie!”
Husband: “Fantastic! Well, see you Monday.”
I felt incomplete until I married you.
I felt incomplete until I married you.
Now I’m finished.
How do you know a woman doesn’t value honesty?
How do you know a woman doesn’t value honesty? When she asks you, “How do I look, darling?
Darling, sweetheart, treasure
An elderly couple goes to their favorite restaurant they’ve been visiting together for decades. The man addresses his wife with all sorts of endearments, calling her his darling, sweetheart, his treasure etc.
When the lady excuses herself and goes to the bathroom, the waiter comments to the man, “Wow, you have an amazing relationship with your wife, all those lovely names you call her…”
The man looks at him, “To be honest, it has become a necessity. I actually forgot her name about 3 years ago.”