I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
“Hi, how are you?”
Me: (embarrassed) “Doin’ fine!”
Stall: “So what are you up to?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
Stall: “Can I come over?”
Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”
Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!
Author: joker
Do you know who I am?
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No…
Girl: I am the principal’s daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No…
Boy: Good! *walks away*
Did you kill this man?
Cop: “Did you kill this man?”
Me: “No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed.”
Say daddy
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your destination”.
The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked “What was that for?”. The 3rd guy replied, “Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!”
I need 911 help
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!
Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: “Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”
10 fun facts about you
I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can’t say the letter ‘m’ without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You’re smiling.
Fact 6: You’re smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn’t notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You’re smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you’re going to click the like/share button or comment. 🙂
Be glad that you’re alive
Who must be gods?
A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
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The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”