Not so cool
A man answered an ad that read “Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour”..
When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.
When the boss asked him why he did this he replied “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr”.
A 60 year millionaires is getting married. His friends are jealous and one of them ask how he landed such a hot 23 year old blonde beauty…
“Simple”, grins the millionaire.
” I faked my age”.
His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he told her…
he replies: ” I said i was 87″
A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said
“I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady: “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed: “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: “Oh Well now That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
My wife stopped me from taking my first bite at the restaurant, saying that we need to pray first.
“Nah, there’s no need” I replied.
“But why?” she asked. “We always pray at home when I cook dinner.”
“Because I think we’ll be fine here, the chef knows what he’s doing.”
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went.
One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
7 Wives
5 years old son,
After watching a story of an Emperor on TV:
“Mum, I also want 7 wives, one will cook for me, one will read for me, one will go for walk with me, one will sing for me,one can bath me….”
Mum smiled and said:
“Then night time I don’t have to accompany you to sleep”.
After some thought, son said: “Not possible, I still want to sleep with you mummy!”
Moms eyes fill up with tears of happiness:
“My sweet son!”
“Then who will sleep with your 7 wives?”
“Let them sleep with daddy!”
Dads eyes fill up with tears of happiness:
“My sweet son!”
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order a coffee and pull out sandwiches from their suitcases. An angry waitress approaches them, exclaiming “Excuse me, you can’t eat your own food here!” The lawyers look at her, then at each other and exchange the sandwiches.
A kung-fu student comes to his master…
A kung-fu student comes to his master:
“Master, why do I seem not to properly develop my kung-fu skills?”
The master takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and says:
- My student. Have you ever noticed the flaming seagulls flying beneath the sun on sunset?
“Yes master, I have.”
- But have you closely watched the waterfall and the way water falls on rocks without moving them?
“Yes master, I have watched them with immense attention”
The master takes another deep breath, and asks:
- HAVE YOU… watched how the smallest creatures may thrive even on the most inhospitable habitats?
“Yes master. I have noticed them.”
That’s why. You keep looking at that sh*t and don’t train.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It’s quite time consuming