I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
The only food that makes you cry
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
The shortest horror story
The shortest horror story: Monday.
Being British
Being British means driving your German car to an Irish pub to have a Belgian beer, then grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way home where you rest on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
I’m not bossy
I’m not bossy, I simply know exactly what you should be doing.
I’m not lazy
I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.
The true nature of a human being
The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second cash desk.
If I’m driving you crazy
If I’m driving you crazy, please remember to put your seatbelt on.
I’m very sorry to interrupt you
I’m very sorry to interrupt you, but you must have mistaken me for somebody who’s interested.
Light arrives faster than sound
It is a fact of nature that light arrives faster than sound. Which is why some people can appear quite bright, until they speak.