A woman says, I don’t know what he’s complaining about. I made him a millionaire!
And what was he before?
A billionaire.
Get something that would make her look sexy
My wife told me to go and get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.
What real happiness is
A man simply doesn’t have a clue what real happiness is until he gets married.
But then it’s already too late for him.
A half-hour on the phone
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
The husband is surprised, “Wow, that was quick – usually you are at it for two hours at least!”
“Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.”
You can’t live without love
I heard people say you can’t live without love.
–
I still think oxygen ranks higher.
Do what you want
When a woman says something like “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Stand still as a statue. No blinking. Play dead.
I don’t like you with the new glasses on.
She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”
Your dog bit my mother in law!
A neighbor comes to Mr Myer and says, “Your dog bit my mother in law!”
Mr Myer is horrified and apologizes, adding sadly, “You’ll probably be wanting financial recompense, won’t you?”
“Absolutely not!” smiles the neighbor, “I’d love to buy the dog!”
Mother-in-law’s funeral
Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your
mother-in-law’s funeral today?”
“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”
How much does it cost to get married?
A boy asked his father, “Dad, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father grimly replied, “I wouldn’t know son, I’m still not done paying for it.”