Dad: Say daddy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
A five-year-old Mikey asks his Grandpa, “Grandpa, what do you call it when there are two people on top of each other in bed?”
The Grandpa feels very uncomfortable but decides not to confuse the child and bravely says, “That’s intercourse, my boy.”
“OK,” nods Mikey and off he goes.
He comes back after five minutes and says, “Grandpa, that’s not right. I’ve just spoken to mom and she said that it’s not called intercourse but a bunk bed!”
“Madam, your son just called me ugly!”
The mother apologizes shamefacedly, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look…”
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. “Hello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked.
“My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied.
“That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor.
“That’s because he’s inside your cat!”
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”
“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.” “Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”
“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.” “No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Boy and girl: asked the teacher very important question?
“Can kids of our age have kids?”
Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”
Boy said to girl :
“See? I told you not to worry!!!!
Teacher: Did you finish your homework?
Kid: Did you finish grading my test?
Teacher: I have other children’s tests to grade
Kid: I have other teachers homework to do
Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.