Author: joker
Drinking day
I only drink on days beginning with “T”
Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow
A billion years is like a second
Life worth living after marriage
At a wedding reception, the DJ announced…
“Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living after marriage?”
The Bartender was almost crushed to death !!!
Dog style
90 year old man to a doctor : which style is best for sex in my age?
Doctor : Dog style.
Old man : Oh you mean 4 arms behind?
Doctor : No no just smell and leave
My wife is missing
A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:
Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn’t come back yet.
Inspector : -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Inspector : -Slim or healthy?.
Husband : -Not slim, but probably healthy.
Inspector : -Color of eyes?
Husband : -Never noticed.
Inspector : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes according to season.
Inspector : -What was she wearing?
Husband : -Not sure, either a dress or a suit.
Inspector : -Was she driving?
Husband : -Yes.
Inspector : -Color of the car?
Husband : -Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door… and then the husband started
crying…
Inspector: -Don’t worry sir,…We will find your car.
Driver’s license forgot
A police officer stops a car.
Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”
Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
Officer: “At home?”
Driver: “No, to do it.”
First operation
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
Can’t you do the same?
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
Do you do sports?
Doctor: “Do you do sports?”
Patient: “Does sex count?”
Doctor: “Yes.”
Patient: “Then no.”