The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.” At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.” The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. “I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.” “I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
“Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” A girl raised her hand and asked,
“To draw out all his savings?”
Why did God create Adam before Eve.
He didn’t want any advice.
A husband asks her wife, “If I die, will you marry another man?”
A husband asks her wife, “If I die, will you get another marriage?”
The wife answered, “No, of course not! I’m going to go live with my sister. What about you, are you getting another marriage when I’m gone? “
He replied, “No, same with you. I’m going to go live with your sister.”
Not so cool
A man answered an ad that read “Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour”..
When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.
When the boss asked him why he did this he replied “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr”.
A 60 year millionaires is getting married. His friends are jealous and one of them ask how he landed such a hot 23 year old blonde beauty…
“Simple”, grins the millionaire.
” I faked my age”.
His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he told her…
he replies: ” I said i was 87″
A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said
“I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady: “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed: “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: “Oh Well now That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
My wife stopped me from taking my first bite at the restaurant, saying that we need to pray first.
“Nah, there’s no need” I replied.
“But why?” she asked. “We always pray at home when I cook dinner.”
“Because I think we’ll be fine here, the chef knows what he’s doing.”
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went.
One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.