A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and asks what happened.
The man replies: “My wife told me that she wouldn’t talk to me for a month.”
The waiter replies, “Oh no, that’s horrible!”
Man: “Yes!!! (Sobs) Today that month is over.”
Category: Short Funny Jokes
Why did you two split up?
“Oh no, Roger, why did you two split up?”
“She’s a liar and a cheat! She said she was the whole night and her sister’s!”
“So? Maybe she was.”
“Yeah, no way. I was the whole night at her sister’s!”
I made him a millionaire!
A woman says, I don’t know what he’s complaining about. I made him a millionaire!
And what was he before?
A billionaire.
A half-hour on the phone
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
The husband is surprised, “Wow, that was quick – usually you are at it for two hours at least!”
“Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.”
I don’t like you with the new glasses on.
She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”
Your dog bit my mother in law!
A neighbor comes to Mr Myer and says, “Your dog bit my mother in law!”
Mr Myer is horrified and apologizes, adding sadly, “You’ll probably be wanting financial recompense, won’t you?”
“Absolutely not!” smiles the neighbor, “I’d love to buy the dog!”
Mother-in-law’s funeral
Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your
mother-in-law’s funeral today?”
“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”
How much does it cost to get married?
A boy asked his father, “Dad, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father grimly replied, “I wouldn’t know son, I’m still not done paying for it.”
Why did God create Adam first
Q: Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second?
A: Because he wasn’t interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make Adam.
We have too many in our country
There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing.
The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, “We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, “We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, “We have too many in our country.”